Back to the Typewriter

Well, not literally, but "literary-ly" I am returning to writing full-time this week.

My publishing company, Just Dust Publishers, is at a near standstill, of sorts. And I am anxious about it. Why? I keep asking myself.

It is not like I will lose my home or have no food if the publishing company closed it's doors right now. Nope. I'm set. But more than that, I honestly believe that God led me to this place-He will lead me out of this valley, or it will die here, as He wishes, so why am I anxious?

I think it's one of those situations where, I am praying for the wrong thing.

Case is point:

I couldn't find my Christmas ornaments this year for our tree. So frustrating! We had reorganized some storage mid-year and some how, the ornaments are not to be found. When I first realized the tree sitting bare in my living room was necessarily naked, a bitterness rose in me. Everyday for over a week I was bitter as I walked by the tree. I didn't like feeling that way, especially in the season, so one night I asked my friends in my small prayer group to pray for me--that my bitterness would go away.

The next morning I woke and as I prayed I realized I WAS STILL BITTER! How could this be? So, I took an honest minute with God at the foot of His throne and said, "OK, forget healing my bitterness--Just give me ornaments!" I kept watching that morning for the boxes to suddenly appear, or the memory of where they had been put to come. I expected to find them.

Instead, in the afternoon, I had a knock at the door. A good friend from the prayer group stood there with an arm-full of boxes. "I'm here to decorate your tree," she said. I wanted to resist at first because I knew MY ornaments were now coming. But then I realized, this was the answer to my prayer. Something I never would have received before that prayer because I had been wallowing in the bitterness of my loss. After the prayer--I wanted ornaments more than the dramatic mourning routine I had come to savor. This was God's gift and answer.

Bringing it all home, Just Dust Publishers needs to sell books. I have been anxious about this need. The company is groaning under the burden of meeting vendor's wages, and must find ways to fund new projects--sequels to the books which are out. In a sense, I walk by the naked truth of this every day, like the bare tree. My chest tightens and I rack my brain, "How can I sell more books?"

Actually, I've come up with some pretty good ideas and I can only thank God for exciting developments with bookstores now carrying my books, people from Facebook ordering them online, and two book signings coming up in the next month. But I need so much more help to meet the financial needs of JDP.

Jesus needed help once. Can you imagine? When He was on earth He was healing the sick, helping the poor, raising the dead. But when He saw the great need He realized that even though--and especially because--He was just one man, He needed to pray. What did He ask for? That He could be patient and long suffering? That He could have the right attitude about pain? That He could be spared dealing with adversity? Nope. He knew the need was not about expanding His capacity, but for God to send others.

So, I have done all I can do, at this time. And with Jesus, I'm so grateful for my successes. But the company needs more. Seeing Jesus' example, I am praying that God sends the answer in others, or by other means.

And me? Well, this is the first day of my writing retreat. Except for a quick visit to deliver books to a bookstore and mail an ordered book, I am writing. And will be for four days. I hope to complete three chapters in the sequel to Julia, Coming Home. That will bring me to the one third point in the book.

After all, I can do only one person's job, preferably mine.

Matthew 9:35-38 Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”